A Marriage of Convenience
by ohbrothamybrotha
Summary: Dia struggles to figure out if she should really marry the man of her dreams.


My wedding day was nothing that I expected it to be. Standing here in this long white dress, laced with silk and beads, I stared at the mirror watching Gina fixing my hair. Questions emerged in my head from the night before, along with several others. Was I ready for marriage? Was he? Is this the right thing to do? I was assured that these were just pre-wedding jitters and that every bride felt this way. But how could I shake the feeling that everything leading up to this moment was telling me that we were both about to make the biggest mistake of our lives?

"You look so beautiful, Dia." Gina had whispered into my ear after she handed me the tiara to place on my head. "Like a princess." The color flushed to my cheeks as I set it on top of my head. The light from the room reflected off of the jewels on the tiara and it seemed to shine, but my gut told me that it was the only thing that deserved to feel that beautiful. After all, I had been so cruel to him ever since we first met. While he greeted me with smiles, I returned them with scowls and cold stares. I was a jerk to him for so long that I couldn't understand how he could stand to be in the same room as me. However, he always managed to see right through me, saw the loneliness inside of my heart. He said that he could see how kind of I was on the inside. He said that it wasn't hard for him to look past my outer shell and see how much I needed to be loved. "Are you ready to go?" I nodded solemnly and the question arose again. Was this the reason I was getting married? To be rid of the loneliness that clouded my heart? I walked out of the room and followed Gina down the hall. My feet felt detached from my mind and my heart was throbbing in my chest. He'd asked for a spring wedding because he said that I'd look so beautiful with those white flowers in my hair. I made sure to make them the theme of the wedding. My bouquet was very fashionably fixed by Lyla, and the decorations were prepared by everyone in the village. I stopped at the door and peeked in. the music was replaying that same old church tune and the pews were full. The whole village was invited and it looked like everyone came. It was scary but not as scary as knowing that I'd have to walk down that isle.

I spotted my groom. Wilbur was really handsome, even more today than usual. His short brown hair was slicked back and he was wearing a black tux with black dress shoes. His bright blue eyes brightened up when he saw my face, and I quickly jumped back to avoid ruining the entrance. I wasn't ready for this.  
"You can do this, Dia." Gina assured me as she grabbed my shoulders gently. "That man in there loves you." was that true? I knew that Wilbur loved my company. He said he loved the way I laughed, and he loved the poetry that I wrote. But did he love me? Wilbur used to tell me about his feelings for someone else in the village. It was actually a boy named Joe. He always talked about how exciting he was and how he wished that Joe could return his feelings. Then one day, he came to me and said that he was giving up on Joe. He didn't tell my why. I figured it was because Joe was not interested. I didn't know if Wilbur was absolutely gay or not. Maybe he liked girls too, or maybe I was just his beard. Even so, he didn't deserve to marry someone he didn't love. Unfortunately, I was selfish. I loved him more than anything in the world. He gave me a happiness that I haven't felt since before my parents died. When he proposed, he took me to my favorite spot in the village. He told me that I should never feel lonely again, and that he wanted to take care of me so that we could share each other's company. But she never said she was in love with me. How could I marry him and take away his chance of happiness?

"I can't." the words edged out of my mouth and tasted foul. It reminded me of the first time I cussed in front of Gina's mother. I wanted to swallow them so that maybe I could convince myself that I had never come to that realization. But who was I fooling? I had never come to the realization. But who was I fooling? If Wilbur couldn't love me now, he couldn't love me later on. Worse even, he might grow to resent or despise me later on in our life together. He might find the idea of me repulsive and then I'd lose the only friend in the world who understood me. I turned my gaze to Gina who was staring at me and talking. I couldn't hear her but I nodded, too panicked to really do much of anything else. She must have said she was going to sit down because she left for her seat and I was left alone with my thoughts. They were making it impossible to deny the truth now. I couldn't let Wilbur go through with this stupid wedding.  
Turning around, I sprinted down the hall and out of the church. I ran down the steps, keeping my dress up so that it wouldn't get dirty. Hurrying back to my house, I stumbled on the stairs and managed to get my shoes off. The door was unlocked, so I hurried through the house and up the stairs. When I entered my bedroom, I pulled off the tiara and slung it on the floor. Panic was forming in my chest and I realized I was unsure of what to do next. But I had to think fast. I could leave, run away where no one knew me. Start over and try to make it on my own. I grabbed a suitcase from my closet and began tossing clothes in it. Then I hurried to the dresser to grab anything that I might need. That's when I saw it. The picture of my parents was sitting on top of all of my other things. Everything slowed down after that, and my heart dropped. I picked it up and sat down on the bed. Breathing out a soft gasp, suddenly I choked on quick sobs as tears rolled down my face. My parents would not be happy with me right now. Running away from my problems like this.

"you know most people choose to pack for the honeymoon either before or after the ceremony, never in between…" the voice startled me, and I quickly looked up to see Wilbur standing in the doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest and for a second he looked mad. Then worry swept over his expression. I must have looked like a wreck to him. "Dia, what's wrong? Why aren't you at the wedding?" I felt like I had a million reasons, excuses. There were so many things I could have said to justify my absence. But they all felt trivial now, childish. I found myself shaking my head and my lip quivered when I tried to speak.

"I can't do it." What a selfish thing to say. "I just can't marry you." My words must have felt cold to him. How could he love me when I showed him how easily I could change my mind? How could he choose to go through with this when everything is telling me that I am undeserving of his kindness, his pity? I heard his footsteps growing closer as he entered the room. He sat down beside me and at first I thought he'd demand an explanation. But Wilbur always had a way with surprising me. Instead, he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer. I sobbed on his shoulder and felt his lips against my forehead. Then he stayed quiet until I finished crying, waited patiently for me to end this childish behavior.

When I finally calmed down, I pulled away from his embrace. Ashamed, I could barely look at him. Wilbur cleared his throat, but not in that way that people have when they're waiting for you to speak. I looked in his direction, and he smoothed his hair back.

"You ok?"

Was I ok? Of course, he would ask me that. I shrugged and shook my head, then found the courage to actually look at him. "I just can't go through with it. Knowing what you're giving up. Knowing th-that you are only doing this fo-for me-" I shook my head and rubbed the tears from my eyes. "I-I'd rather be alone forever than be th-this selfish." I couldn't ask him to do this for me. "I just can't-" bowing my head, I rubbed my eyes and looked down at my stockings. They were ruined now, all dirty from the stupid ground. I didn't want to look at them anymore, but the idea of looking up and seeing the look on his face was horrifying.

"Dia…" He got my attention and I managed to look up anyway. He was smiling at me, and it was warm and genuine. Not even forced a little bit. That was nice, actually. "You wanting to be loved is not selfish at all. I have told you time and time again to not be so hard on yourself." Suddenly he took my hand, and bent down to kiss it. "And I'm not giving up anything important by choosing-yes choosing to marry you. In fact, I'd be starting a new adventure with you." He smiled at me, and I felt my face turning red. "Look I understand if you don't want to marry me for your sake…but don't choose to deny what you want because you feel as though you don't deserve it."

"But I DON'T deserve it!" I stood up and turned around to face him, feeling the tears coming again. For once, I wanted to act like an adult instead of cry like a baby. Wilbur just smiled at me which made me feel worse. "I don't deserve to be married to you! You're not in love with me, you're only doing this because you know how I feel about you!" Though judging from the look on his face, I wondered if that was really true. He did know, right?

Wilbur stood up and pushed his hands in his pockets. He then pulled out a piece of paper. "I-I know that we weren't supposed to write our own vowels…but I wrote mine…I was going to read them to you after the ceremony." I blinked and looked down at the piece of paper that he was now unfolding. He cleared his throat and motioned for me to sit down. I obeyed, now too confused to really speak. "This was supposed to just be for us anyway…Kind of like all the secrets we used to share whenever I'd come over." I blushed and moved loose strands of hair out of my face. "I'm going to begin now, if you don't mind."

"su-sure…"

"Alright then." Looking down to the paper, he started to read. "I know you think that this was just a marriage of convenience because of how you are. You think too often that you don't deserve to be happy, and you try to convince others to feel the same way. But I'm not going to let you do that this time. Sure, we probably aren't soul mates, but I do love you. Don't compare these feelings to the ones I had for Joe, because these feelings are different. It's a love that you don't just get from that first impression. It's not a sexual attraction that will slowly fade over time. This is a love that was formed through a greater desire to be someone who could give you what you need when you don't even know what that is. Ever since my proposal, you've been asking me if I really want to marry you, along with several other questions that I couldn't really answer right away. It wasn't because I had no answer, I just couldn't make you understand. Now, you know I'm no good at poetry, or even words, and I am aware that you will probably be asking me these same questions years down the line and I will never be able to convince you that I am doing this because I want to. But maybe you can keep these vows with you so that you can look back on them and know that every time I think about a future, I don't see one until you're in it. People can tell you that you shouldn't marry someone until you find someone that is your soul mate. But I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to create a life with you, because to me, you're better than a soul mate. You're my best friend, my chance at a happier life, and I'm glad that you decided to marry me. Because this is my chance to give you everything you ever wanted, ever needed. And that is, a family." He looked up at me and gave a weak smile. "Sorry about that last part…Like I said…wrote this before the wedding."

I couldn't hold back any longer. The tears were there again, and it felt like they were flowing out of me like a water fall. I stood up and jumped at him to embrace him as hard I could. He returned the hug and nuzzled his head into my shoulder, then he picked me up and swung me around. Letting me go, Wilbur then wiped the tears from my face and smiled at me. "So, did you like it?" Like it? It was…beautiful. I couldn't even speak, I was crying so hard. Shoving my head in his chest, I nodded furiously. I wanted to kiss him, but was that ok? I mean, we were almost married. He seemed to answer that for me. Leaning down, he kissed my lips and I felt that tingly spark that everyone seemed to talk about. When he pulled away, he grinned at me and actually seemed bashful. "Did you want get outta here? We could run away for two weeks and say the wedding was a sham." I rubbed my eyes and managed to laugh.

"N-No that won't…solve anything." I said quietly. He stayed quiet as if waiting for me to make a decision. I didn't know what I wanted anymore….yes I did. I wanted to rewind the last hour…. "I-I want to…I just want to forget that I left the wedding ceremony."  
"that works for me."

We went back together, hand in hand. The walk was long, but not really. And when we entered the church, everyone acted like nothing had happened which made the walk down the aisle a lot easier than I thought it would be. When we stepped up to the alter. he clutched my hand and we listened to the vows. And when he said "I do" my heart fluttered and I repeated after him when my time came. We turned to face each other, and the words I had been dying to hear since I was a little girl rang in my ears.

"You may kiss the bride."

He bent down, his lips touched mine, and that overwhelming sting of whether or not we were doing the right thing disappeared just for that brief moment. Everyone cheered and clapped. Gina hugged me, and from the corner of my eye, my husband was getting a pat on the back from his best man. And when he smiled at me, I thought for a second that maybe everything would be ok.

Then we attended the after party. I thanked everyone for coming and shared a dance with my new husband. We laughed and ate and drank wine which was a first for me because I was hardly old enough to even take a sip. The party lasted until late evening, and we were told that we'd miss the train if we had stayed any later, so we hurried to gather our things for the honey moon.

Wilbur picked me up and carried me to his house. We laughed and I undressed from the wedding gown into something a little more comfortable. As I ran from the bathroom into the living room, I stopped at watched my new husband on the phone. I hesitated as he laughed and brushed the bangs out of his face. I froze as he smiled that smile he only ever had for one person. And my heart sank when he spoke in that sweet, soft voice he used whenever he spoke about Joe, around Joe. He said a goodbye and I watched the sorrow fill his eyes when he hung up the phone. Then he looked up to me and smile that reassuring smile of his, and I wondered if that was for me or if it was something he did for himself.

"You ready for the honey moon?"

I couldn't speak, so I managed a nod and walked over to him. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, I buried my face in his chest. He embraced me and kissed my forehead, then he rested his head against my shoulder. "You looked beautiful today." I wanted to cry, but I was a big girl now. I was married now. I couldn't cry at the drop of a hat anymore.

He hugged me tight for a brief second and then grabbed my hand in his. He smiled down at me and I returned it. "Let's go on that honey moon." I spoke, trying to sound eager and excited about this. He grinned and nodded, then we walked out of the house hand in hand and took the town car into the next down and boarded the train.

And we sat in silence through most of the train ride, He fell asleep against me, resting his head against mine and keeping his fingers entangled in mine as well. And I realized that it was all over. I was married and the day hadn't been nearly as horrible as I thought it was going to be. And we would be ok, everything would be ok….

Everything would be ok…right?


End file.
